Kasey and I recently watched the move 'Letters to God.' If you've never seen it, you need to! It totally changed my perspective on my life and how I view the path that God has given me/us to follow.
Those of you who are closest to us, know that when it comes to moving forward with OUR plans to get married in December, nothing has been working out. It has been really discouraging to both of us as none of OUR plans seem to be working out. I, personally, have been struggling lately with the fact that God's plan for us, might not include the New Year's Eve wedding that I have set my little heart on. I just can't grasp why God is not allowing things to work our for us. After many interviews and not a lot of straight answers, Kasey is still looking for a job. When we finally found the perfect venue that we though was withing our price range, we sat down to calculate the total cost and realized that the tax & tip on just the food, would be over $1000! With the small budget that we have, that is just not do-able. Even down to the smallest detail of going to try on wedding dresses and having my car not start, it seemed as though God really did not want us to move forward with December 31st. I have spent the past month playing tug-of-war with God over letting go of our perfect little New Year's Eve wedding. It has been full of stress, hardships, and many many tears. And quite frankly, miserable! It has taken me a month to figure out that playing tug-of-war with God is never easy and you will always loose so you might as well just hand it over to Him to begin with. It will make things much easier and you will be filled with more joy than you could ever imagine! Because His plan is ALWAYS bigger and better than ours.
It was only after watching the movie, 'Letters to God,' that I came to this place of being able to give our wedding plans back to God. (They were His to begin with, but in my selfishness, I took them and tried to hold on for dear life!) In the movie, the main character is a little boy who battles with cancer. With the help of his elderly neighbor friend, He gains the perspective that God has CHOSEN him to be one of His mighty warriors. From that moment on, He lives his life as an adventure for God in which he has the privilege of sharing God's love with others and winning them over for the King.
It was then that I realized that God has chosen Kasey and I to be in the place that we are right now. He has chosen us to have a longer engagement. He has chosen us to go through this trying time. But most exciting, He has CHOSEN us to save from the wrath that we very much deserve! And He has CHOSEN us to be his followers! In that, there is no greater joy! I may find happiness in getting married on New Year's Eve, but ultimately, its only one day and IT will come to an end. And I know that I will find happiness in marrying Kasey, but ultimately, things will get tough, we will fight, and I won't always be happy. However, knowing that God has CHOSEN us to go through good times and bad, all for HIS glory, brings a joy that is greater than any earthly thing. Knowing that in HIM, we find our peace and our strength, is more comfort and joy than any amount of happiness could ever bring us. And knowing that He has CHOSEN us to be mighty warriors and fight for His kingdom, brings the greatest joy of all!!!
I realized, with the help of Kasey, that I was searching for happiness in our wedding, the planning, our upcoming marriage, and even in him, but I was missing out on the JOY of our King because my focus was all wrong.
At this very moment, we don't know what our wedding day will look like, where it will be, or even when it will be, but I do know this:
Happiness is fleeting, but the joy found ONLY in Christ will last forever!
Psalm 16:11 - You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
